Friday, April 24, 2009

Parenting

Last night Shelby and I went to a friend's house for supper. During the course of the evening, two of the children needed correcting. My friend dealt with it swiftly and with love. I commented to her that I loved the way she disciplined her children. On the way home, Shelby said, "so mom, you like the way Miss --- disciplines?" I said yes and proceeded to explain why. This lead to a discussion about the different ways parents discipline or don't discipline their children. She then asked the one thousand dollar question: "Mom, who taught you how to parent?"
That question left me a bit speechless. I fumbled around a little, and then just basically said that I read some parenting books, prayed a LOT, and used some of my training as a teacher.

I kept pondering on the question. Who did teach me how to parent? Our parents are suppose to be the ones who teach us. But what if their 'teaching' was lacking because they, themselves were not taught properly? My parents where not Ozzie and Harriet Nelson or was it like Leave it to Beaver. Things were hard. But in retrospect, I now know they did the best they could. They themselves had rotten childhoods and did not have good parenting examples. So I totally have NO fault with them. But before I had children, I did resolve that I would do things differently when I was the mom. (disclaimer, I in no way mean any disrespect to my parents..as I stated earlier, they did the best they could considering how they were raised and the problems they had to deal with.)

I resolved to break the cycle when I became a parent. I read parenting books written by Charles Swindol, Dr. Dobson, and others. I watched the parents of the children I babysat. I observed how they dealt with certain situations. But honestly, NOTHING prepares you for the day when they put that screaming new born in your arms and say "congratulations mom". Mom. Oh crap. What have I gotten myself into! Am I really ready for the responsibility? That is when the cries of desperation began to go heavenward. I prayed constantly. Cried some too. But one thing I learned in all my reading and observing is that you have to stay consistent. Do not give in. Teach them right from wrong and then stick with it. Deal with situations as swiftly as the situation allows. Sometimes taking a breather before disciplining is necessary in some situations. Never look the other way because you are too tired. Those early years are hard years, but if you stay consisitent, it will pay off.

My own daughter is 17 1/2. Most likely she will be a mom within 10 years. She will embark on her own parenting adventure. I only hope that she has had a decent example. I know I did not do everything right; I have made plenty of mistakes. But I hope she can take something I have taught her and apply it to her own parenting style.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

time


They say time heals all wounds. I use to think that was such a stupid saying. For some wounds seem to be too severe to ever close up and heal. I thought I had such a wound.

About 3 years and 1 month ago, all hell broke loose in my family. To protect the innocent, details are being ommitted. But suffice it to say, life in our family would never be the same. Due to the circumstances, I had to cut all ties with my mother. This was not an easy decision. You see, up to this point, we had a pretty decent relationship. Perhaps a bit dysfuntional, but it was all I knew and had. We talked constantly. Always calling several times a day. Sometimes I would just call to tell her something as stupid as the latest cat escapade. And she would do the same.

But that all ended abruptly. I cut ties, she left town, and I have not heard from her in over 3 years.

The first 6 months were the hardest. I cried daily. Not only for her, but b/c of the aftermath of the situation I had to deal with here at home and with other family members. The situation was on my mind constantly. As months turned into years, I eventually thought of her less often.

And to my surprise, hadnt thought about her for a while until last night.

Last night the dreams returned. In the early days of her abandonment, the dreams came quite often; usually me sceaming at her: why? why did you chose him? why didnt you chose us?

Last night, after I awoke from having that horrid dream, I realized it had been a while since I had dreamed about her or thought about the situation that drove her from our lives. I guess a mothers day commercial I saw on tv triggered the dream.

While it still hurts, I guess the saying has a bit of truth to it; time has healed the wound. I carry around a fresh scar, but it is healing none the less.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

ponderings


It's been a while since I posted. I guess I just dont take time b/c my life seems so mundane and boring, and who really wants to read something that may put them in dream land??
I am not the brightest bulb out there, and dont understand the full economic stuff and all the bail out junk. I don't understand how the credit market and housing market affect the stock exchange, etc. But what I do know is that life in the United States as we knew it is changing. Somewhere along the way our liberty is slowing being stripped away and we are oblivious to it. The govt keeps printing money and bailing out various business/industries. Bills are being passed that contain 'little things' here and there we know nothing about...YET. The gov't fired the head of a private business. Yes this business accepted gov't funds and yes, maybe he needed to be removed, but was it really the gov'ts place? I am a little concerned when the gov't gets in the car, banking, and morgage business. Ever since the first bailout under Pres. Bush one saying keeps coming to mind. In Star Wars, Episode III, Senator Amidala and another senator where sitting with thousands of other senators in the senate chamber. The Emperor Just annouced he was dissolving the Senate and the senate bursts into applause. She turns to her friend and says: "So this is how liberty dies, at the sound of thunderous applause."