Everyday we are faced with choices. Most are made without thinking. We start our journey to work/school, and pull in the parking lot not even conscience of the redlights we went through and turns we made. Our brain just went on auto-pilot.
All day long we are faced with choices: Should I cuss out the person who cut in front of me in traffic........ should I hold the door open for the older person right behind me....should I smile at the person walking by......should I lie or be honest......should I give back the $10 that the cashier accidentally gave me.....
Choices surround us all the time. Some are more dramatic than others.
Take belief for example. Do you choose to believe in God? Most are quick to say yes. But really? do you? do you really believe there is someone who really cares about you? Truly loves you unconditionally? Actually cares about what you are going through? This has been a struggle for me recently. If you were to ask me several years ago this question, I would have said, YES!!!! OH YEs, there is a God. But lately, I have struggeled. I admit that this brings me a bit of shame and embarrassment. But sometimes in the darkest of night, in my innermost being, I feel completly and utterly alone. At times the void is so vast and deep, I cant imagine some all knowing being actually giving a hoot about my mediocre life. But yet, the other part of me hopes that He is there. Because if He is not there, that makes the dark even darker. The hopelessness even more hopeless. The loneliness even more lonely.
A few weeks ago, it hit me. DUH. Belief in God is a choice that I have to make. I have to choose that He exists. I have to choose to believe that He loves me. I have to choose to walk towards Him and embrace him.
Its not always easy. LIfe is hard. But, how much harder it would be if I did not choose to believe in HIM.
All day long we are faced with choices: Should I cuss out the person who cut in front of me in traffic........ should I hold the door open for the older person right behind me....should I smile at the person walking by......should I lie or be honest......should I give back the $10 that the cashier accidentally gave me.....
Choices surround us all the time. Some are more dramatic than others.
Take belief for example. Do you choose to believe in God? Most are quick to say yes. But really? do you? do you really believe there is someone who really cares about you? Truly loves you unconditionally? Actually cares about what you are going through? This has been a struggle for me recently. If you were to ask me several years ago this question, I would have said, YES!!!! OH YEs, there is a God. But lately, I have struggeled. I admit that this brings me a bit of shame and embarrassment. But sometimes in the darkest of night, in my innermost being, I feel completly and utterly alone. At times the void is so vast and deep, I cant imagine some all knowing being actually giving a hoot about my mediocre life. But yet, the other part of me hopes that He is there. Because if He is not there, that makes the dark even darker. The hopelessness even more hopeless. The loneliness even more lonely.
A few weeks ago, it hit me. DUH. Belief in God is a choice that I have to make. I have to choose that He exists. I have to choose to believe that He loves me. I have to choose to walk towards Him and embrace him.
Its not always easy. LIfe is hard. But, how much harder it would be if I did not choose to believe in HIM.
2 comments:
Huh. I just taught the His Hands kids a lesson on forgiveness, and I explained that we choose to forgive, and the feeling comes after. After reading your blog, I wonder if there are other things about our faith-walk that involve a choice, and then the emotion or feeling comes after....you've given me something to ponder....
I wrote that over a year ago...my life was somewhat topsy turvey. I have learned to not trust my feelings so much. ONLY because I tend to be oversensitive on an emotional level. I have had to learn to be a little more 'detached emotionally' when confronting some issues of my faith. Dont know if that makes any sense or not. :-) NOW I know emotion does have its place in our faith walk...but sometimes, I have had to step back and examine things without the emotion in place...which is very difficult for me to do.
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